This winter (one that never seems to end) has been one of reflection for me. For the last several years, I have used winter as a time to dream, learn, and plan for the following year. With our recent move from the farm to the city, I’ve had different things on my mind. Losing our lease on the farm not only meant a change of location, but a complete change of lifestyle. The giant question of “What happens to Black Sheep Farms?” has hung over our heads for many months now. For five years, we have talked about the farm, showed off the farm, taught about the farm, and loved the farm. When we moved, we wondered, can we still do these things? I knew that I would not stop growing vegetables, herbs, and flowers, but would we still be farmers? This was on my mind as I was tilling up some lawn in favor of food the other day. “How will I introduce myself now?” I thought. Before I started farming, I was just a stay-at-home mom, or just a teacher to my 3 boys. When we started farming, I told people I was a farmer, but just a small-time farmer. Now that we are even smaller, what do I say? I’m just a backyard gardener? Then it struck me, why do I put that word “just” in front of everything? It belittles what I do, makes me seem less than, somehow. So I thought, what if I replaced the word “just” with something else….like PROUD?  Then I become a proud gardener, teacher, and mom.  Which is exactly what I am.

So I’ve been concentrating a lot lately on everything I am. Everyone can create a list of what they lack, or how they are less than they want to be. We are good at recognizing how we don’t stack up to everyone around us, or to the image in our heads of what we think we should be. I’m erasing all those lists and replacing them with lists with titles like, “Positive things I did today” or “Things I am good at” or “Things that don’t suck”. It is not easy for me and I don’t always have much to put on those lists, but it’s a start. I love the connection I have with my kids because I stay at home with them and teach them every day. I love to grow plants of all kinds. These things don’t make me “just” who I am, these things make me proud of who I am.

~Kelly